'Don't worry dear...it runs in the family"
That's how my grandma consoled my shell shocked Mom after I was born!
She ran into labor hours ago but the Gyn was puzzled...She had suspected twins or maybe triplets but I was too much for her!
I later came to know that the attending Doctor -the best Ob Gyn in town with 30 solid years of immense experience - passed out as soon as she heard my multi-full throated wails...and nothing could get her to come back to the labor room to deliver another baby for the rest of her life...what more ,she spent years under a Guruji learning meditation and yoga but that seemed to be of very little help to bring her back to normalcy!!!
Mom, Grandmom and the Doc and all the nurses and midwives gasped and nodded-
counted and recounted my heads ...
"Ten! "They agreed in unison!
"It is the DNA! his great Grand pa had four ! " said my Aunt ...
Mom had otherwise delivered normal kids...a pretty girl with a tweeky nose which was later chiselled to perfection -That's my Sis...That golden hearted ,glutton who slept most of the time -he's my brother...
But they were all one -headed...
Mom found me to be quite a handful...
she needed to sterilise 10 feeding bottles,fill them up with formulas and shove them up simultaneously into my mouths every other hour...worse still ...she had to work overtime to wipe my runny noses ...and if I started sneezing, the sound of 10 simultaneous and continuous sneezes sounded like a thunderstorm gone mad!
She complained that she was going broke buying a dozen tube of toothpaste month after month ,just for me and the hairstylists' bill outdid our monthly electricity bill-thanx to my whims and fancies for 10 different styles for my heads...and she struck a deal with a shampoo company to supply abarrels of shampoo for half the price -still it costed a bomb!
Though I was given a long and pompous ,tradi modern name befitting me-
SriAnanthaNarayanaKrishnaRajaVishyShivaBablooKant -all and sundry preferred to call me Ravana...
and by default and as a matter of convenience,that stuck to me as my name...
The class teacher who called out my full name heard the bell ring before she finished it and she needed instant nebulisation!
Ten heads gave me instant recognition as well as drew a lot of queer glances in school...
In fact,school as well as college was great fun...as compared to my friends,I needed lesser study hours...
while they all burnt the midnight oil ,trying to push the textual stuff of one subject into their single heads,
I could effectively multitask-one head worked out Maths while another dealt with Chemical equations while a sleepy head nodded off as it listened to a lilting melody!
While one head was filled with Communistic philosophies,another was full of profound Capitalistic ethos!
While one head dealt with Sudokus another was filled with Reggaepop!
But,I did have other problems too!
Be it a movie hall or the class room-I was always a backbencher because my heads hindered the view of the poor singleheaders!
If I walked in the street,one head in the left extreme hit a building while the one at the right extreme ran into the road!
So Dad ordered a special car with a central steering and extra wide seats which needed a special driving license and extra road taxes too!
But I had my own advantages!
I could effortlessly ogle at all the chicks and chicklets on both the sides of the road which made my friends seethe with envy...
When I had to fly to the States for my higher studies,I could fit in to the middle seat in the middle row...only the whole row of 9 seats had to be booked for me-but the airline was quick to sponsor my tickets and use me as their brand ambassador!
That opened up new earning avenues for me!
While my friends slogged in the Univ libraries or gas stations to make a few extra dollars,I just had to pose for a few snaps or breeze across for a video and help something sell!
But things were not all too smooth...
For....
I met her-Jane AKA Jankee!
I was smitten by that doe eyed beauty but she was interested in my junior Ramsay!
This made all my heads go mad with love and lust when pretty and bashful Mando eyed me and ...Yes! She was my girl and I am happy that nobody could have loved me more!
Now I have a wife and and a stately home in a little island just off the tip of the mainland...and I live happily with Mando and the little one my cutie -Akshay who loves to bounce and dance when I play the Shiv Thandav beat in my keyboard...my favorite pasttime...as my mouths merrily munch the pakoras and sip hot masala tea served indulgently by Mando...who says everything is fine with me -excepting kissing her with all my ten pairs of sensuous lips simulltaneously! She says it it a bit too much for her but I know she secretly enjoys it a lot!
By the way...did I tell you what I do for a living?
I run my own one man call center-where one head speaks English while another convincingly sells insurance policies to an unknown face in Europe!
One anwsers a client in Chinese while another teaches Algebra to kids in Australia...
While one head troubleshoots a clients hung network,another relaxes with Ragas from my little Ipod...
One is always thinking of new love sonnets on Mando(which she feels are all plagiarised...too bad!)
another is busy thinking up the topic for tomorrows blog!
The risktaking head follows my online trade and scrips while the philosophic head muses about PAST LIFE REGRESSION -ALL AT ONCE!!!!!!
That's how my grandma consoled my shell shocked Mom after I was born!
She ran into labor hours ago but the Gyn was puzzled...She had suspected twins or maybe triplets but I was too much for her!
I later came to know that the attending Doctor -the best Ob Gyn in town with 30 solid years of immense experience - passed out as soon as she heard my multi-full throated wails...and nothing could get her to come back to the labor room to deliver another baby for the rest of her life...what more ,she spent years under a Guruji learning meditation and yoga but that seemed to be of very little help to bring her back to normalcy!!!
Mom, Grandmom and the Doc and all the nurses and midwives gasped and nodded-
counted and recounted my heads ...
"Ten! "They agreed in unison!
"It is the DNA! his great Grand pa had four ! " said my Aunt ...
Mom had otherwise delivered normal kids...a pretty girl with a tweeky nose which was later chiselled to perfection -That's my Sis...That golden hearted ,glutton who slept most of the time -he's my brother...
But they were all one -headed...
Mom found me to be quite a handful...
she needed to sterilise 10 feeding bottles,fill them up with formulas and shove them up simultaneously into my mouths every other hour...worse still ...she had to work overtime to wipe my runny noses ...and if I started sneezing, the sound of 10 simultaneous and continuous sneezes sounded like a thunderstorm gone mad!
She complained that she was going broke buying a dozen tube of toothpaste month after month ,just for me and the hairstylists' bill outdid our monthly electricity bill-thanx to my whims and fancies for 10 different styles for my heads...and she struck a deal with a shampoo company to supply abarrels of shampoo for half the price -still it costed a bomb!
Though I was given a long and pompous ,tradi modern name befitting me-
SriAnanthaNarayanaKrishnaRajaVishyShivaBablooKant -all and sundry preferred to call me Ravana...
and by default and as a matter of convenience,that stuck to me as my name...
The class teacher who called out my full name heard the bell ring before she finished it and she needed instant nebulisation!
Ten heads gave me instant recognition as well as drew a lot of queer glances in school...
In fact,school as well as college was great fun...as compared to my friends,I needed lesser study hours...
while they all burnt the midnight oil ,trying to push the textual stuff of one subject into their single heads,
I could effectively multitask-one head worked out Maths while another dealt with Chemical equations while a sleepy head nodded off as it listened to a lilting melody!
While one head was filled with Communistic philosophies,another was full of profound Capitalistic ethos!
While one head dealt with Sudokus another was filled with Reggaepop!
But,I did have other problems too!
Be it a movie hall or the class room-I was always a backbencher because my heads hindered the view of the poor singleheaders!
If I walked in the street,one head in the left extreme hit a building while the one at the right extreme ran into the road!
So Dad ordered a special car with a central steering and extra wide seats which needed a special driving license and extra road taxes too!
But I had my own advantages!
I could effortlessly ogle at all the chicks and chicklets on both the sides of the road which made my friends seethe with envy...
When I had to fly to the States for my higher studies,I could fit in to the middle seat in the middle row...only the whole row of 9 seats had to be booked for me-but the airline was quick to sponsor my tickets and use me as their brand ambassador!
That opened up new earning avenues for me!
While my friends slogged in the Univ libraries or gas stations to make a few extra dollars,I just had to pose for a few snaps or breeze across for a video and help something sell!
But things were not all too smooth...
For....
I met her-Jane AKA Jankee!
I was smitten by that doe eyed beauty but she was interested in my junior Ramsay!
This made all my heads go mad with love and lust when pretty and bashful Mando eyed me and ...Yes! She was my girl and I am happy that nobody could have loved me more!
Now I have a wife and and a stately home in a little island just off the tip of the mainland...and I live happily with Mando and the little one my cutie -Akshay who loves to bounce and dance when I play the Shiv Thandav beat in my keyboard...my favorite pasttime...as my mouths merrily munch the pakoras and sip hot masala tea served indulgently by Mando...who says everything is fine with me -excepting kissing her with all my ten pairs of sensuous lips simulltaneously! She says it it a bit too much for her but I know she secretly enjoys it a lot!
By the way...did I tell you what I do for a living?
I run my own one man call center-where one head speaks English while another convincingly sells insurance policies to an unknown face in Europe!
One anwsers a client in Chinese while another teaches Algebra to kids in Australia...
While one head troubleshoots a clients hung network,another relaxes with Ragas from my little Ipod...
One is always thinking of new love sonnets on Mando(which she feels are all plagiarised...too bad!)
another is busy thinking up the topic for tomorrows blog!
The risktaking head follows my online trade and scrips while the philosophic head muses about PAST LIFE REGRESSION -ALL AT ONCE!!!!!!
DNA- formulas, 9 names for 10 heads,all went ok. How did you manage the 10 heads in the USIS office for getting a visa. btw which head answered the questionaire. he he he nice write up enjoyed
ReplyDeletePssst...let me share a secret...
ReplyDeleteUSIS guys were flabbergasted first but when our heroes heads took turns to answer the questions and his facial expressions and manners floored the visa authorities,they stamped the visa asif they were in a trance(maybe he practised NOKKU VARMAM with his 20 eues on them....Ha,ha,haaa...
Glad you found it enjoyable.
Hilarious post.. loved it !!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your spontaneous comments,Mr.Engram
ReplyDeleteமுழுவதும் இன்ஞ்-பை-இஞ்சாக ரஸித்துப்படித்து மகிழ்ந்தேன்.
ReplyDeleteராவணனைப்பற்றிய இந்தக் கற்பனை நகைச்சுவையை தாங்கள் வெளியிடுள்ள நாள் 08.12.XXXX.
இதில் வேடிக்கை என்னவென்றால், நானும் இதே நாளில் பிறந்தவன் தான்.
ஒவ்வொன்றாக படித்து மகிழ்ந்தவற்றைக் கூற விரும்புகிறேன்.
தொடர்வேன்
10 ஃபீடிங் பாட்டில்கள்
ReplyDelete10 மூக்கு துடைக்கும் துணிகள்
டஜன் கணக்கில் டூத் பேஸ்ட் கள்
பேரர்பேரலாக ஷாம்பூக்கள் அதுவும் சலுகை விலையில்
ஸ்ரீ அனந்த நாராயண கிருஷ்ண ராஜ விஷி ஷிவா பப்லுகண்ட் நல்லதொரு அழகான குட்டிப்பெயர் தான். ;)
அநியாயமாக ராவணா என்று நீட்டிக்கூப்பிடப்பட்டுள்ளது.;))
பள்ளியில் காலை பெல் அடித்ததும் இவனின் முழுப்பெயரை ஆசிரியர் கூப்பிட்டு முடித்து அட்டெண்டன்ஸ் எடுத்ததும், பள்ளியில் முடிவு மணியும் அடிக்கப்பட்டது. மிக நல்ல கற்பனை. சிரித்தேன். ;)))))
பள்ளியிலும் கல்லூரியிலும் பலதலைகளால், பல பாடங்களை ஒரே நேரத்தில் கேட்கவும் படிக்கவும் அதே நேரத்தில் சுடுக்கு விளையாடவும் முடிந்தது; ஆஹா!
தொடரும்
படிக்கச்சென்றால் எப்போதுமே கடைசி பெஞ்ச். அடடா.... பாவம் தான். ;(
ReplyDeleteதெருவில் நடந்தால் இந்தக்கோடிக்கு அந்தக்கோடி கட்டடங்கள் இடிக்கின்றன. ஐயோ பாவம். கட்டடங்கள் உடனடியாக இடிக்கப்பட வேண்டும்.
செண்டர் ஸ்டியரிங்கோடு ஸ்பெஷல் கார் [மிகப்பிரும்மாண்ட லாரி போல் அல்லவா இருக்கும்] ஸ்பெஷல் டிரைவிங் லைஸன்ஸ், தனி டாக்ஸ். கொடுமை தான்.
தொடரும்
விமானத்தில் நடுவில் உள்ள 9 இருக்கைகளும் இவர் ஒருவருக்கே ஒதுக்கப்பட்டன.
ReplyDeleteஎப்படித்தான் விமானத்திற்குள் ஏறினாரோ பாவம். சைடுவேய்ஸில் தலையைத் திருப்பி ஏறியிருப்பார்.
மற்ற விமானப்பயணிகளோ அல்லது இவரோ விமானத்தில் பயணம் செய்யும் போது இயற்கை உபாதைகள் வந்திருந்து என்ன பாடு பட்டார்களோ!
இவருக்கே தனியாக பத்து விமானப்பணிப்பெண்கள் தேவைப் பட்டிருக்குமே! ஒவ்வொரு தலைக்கும் தனித்தனியே சேஃப்டி பெல்ட் கட்டவும் கஷ்டப்பட்டிருப்பார்களே.
எப்படியோ இவரை ’பிராண்டு அம்பாசீடர்’ ஆக்கியது ஒரு மிகப்பெரிய அங்கீஹாரம் தான்.
தொடரும்
பல தலைகளைக்கொண்ட இவர் பலவிதத்தில் சம்பாதிக்க முடிந்தது மகிழ்ச்சியான தகவல்களாக உள்ளன.
ReplyDeleteஜான்கீ இவரை வெறுத்ததும், மண்டோ துணிந்து இவரை ஏற்றுக்கொண்டதும் நல்ல திருப்பங்கள். ரத்தம் வர முத்தங்கள் கொடுத்திருப்பது அதுவும் ஒன்றுக்கும் பத்தாக, பத்து ஜோடி உதடுகளால், கண்டிக்கத்தக்கது தான்.
பாவம் அந்த மண்டோ ! ;)))))
தொடரும்
கால் செண்டரில் பலமொழி பேசி,
ReplyDeleteஐரோப்பியாவில் முகம் தெரியாதவர்களுக்கு பாலிஸி எடுத்து,
சைனா வாடிக்கையாளருக்கு பதிலளித்து,
ஆஸ்திரேலியக் குழந்தைக்கு அல்ஜீப்ரா நடத்தி,
நெட் ஒர்க்கை ஒரு தலையால் ஒருவருக்கு சரிசெய்து கொடுத்துக்கொண்டே,
ஐ-பேடில் ராகத்தில் ஒரு தலையை ஆட்டி,
மண்டோவுக்கு மண்டைகளின் மேல் கோபம் ஏற்பட்டும்,
அடுத்த நாள் ப்ளாக் வெளியீடுகளையும் சிந்தித்துக்கொண்டு,
ஆன்லைன் ட்ரேடிங்குக்கு உகந்த ஸ்க்ரிப்ட்களையும் பரிந்துரைத்து,
கடந்த வாழ்க்கையை பின்னோர்க்கிப் பார்ப்பது மிக அருமையான நகைச்சுவை தான். ;)))))
தங்களிடம் நிறைய கற்பனை வளங்கள் உள்ளன.
ReplyDeleteநகைச்சுவை உணர்வுகளும் கொண்டவர்களாகவே இருக்கிறீர்கள்.
எழுத்தாற்றலும் நிரம்பவே உள்ளது.
தங்களின் தமிழ் பதிவினில் மேலும் பல நகைச்சுவைச் சிறுகதைகள் தொடர்ந்து தாருங்கள் என அன்புடன் கேட்டுக்கொள்கிறேன்.
வாழ்த்துகள். vgk
நன்றிகள் பல பல,VGK சார்...
ReplyDeleteநான் எழுதிய ஒரு சின்ன சிறுகதையை இவ்வளவு தீர்கமாகப்படித்து,ரசித்து பின்னூடங்கள் ஏழு தந்து என்னை மகிழ்விததட்கு மிக்க நன்றி.